he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
