Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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