I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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