everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
