Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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