She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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