i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
