My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
