i think my mom watched the whole time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
