is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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