I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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