The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
