his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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