i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
