oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
