I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i love accidental penises.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize