My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
