Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
