We're facebook friends in real life
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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