my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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