How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
