We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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