Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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