Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
