How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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