At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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