I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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