he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
