I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
