Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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