i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
