As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
