In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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