just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
