I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
