Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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