it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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