why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
