she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A+ Viking dick
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
