drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
