You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
