I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize