I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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