exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
