Porn is love you can see.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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