Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
