Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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