i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
