I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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