I smell stomach acid.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
