Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
