five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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