went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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