I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
