im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
