Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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