my phone needs a breathalizer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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