he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
