Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
