I look better un-naked...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
