so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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