I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
