im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize