Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
