she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
