Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
