Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
