she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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